I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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