can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
