I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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