Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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