Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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