billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
