My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize