I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
