He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
