you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize