Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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