I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize