I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
