i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
