So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
