this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
