I just saw a hot homeless man
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
