Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
