i barfeds in our rink
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
