im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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