You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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