Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I looked at my own cervix.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
