The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
