I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
