apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
