I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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