i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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