i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
