I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
