Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
