remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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