never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
