see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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