I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
