My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
