Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
