when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
