you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
