I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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