this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
