using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
