I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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