It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
