Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
