So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
