So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
