I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
