I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
