I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
