It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He has the fingertips of a God
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