Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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