yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
