So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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