i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
