I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
