you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
