Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
