i think my mom watched the whole time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
