No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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