My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
