so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
