Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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