Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
