Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
