When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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