Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
