just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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