Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
