So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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