Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
