someone get that fucking seahorse.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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