It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
