my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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