remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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